I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
