you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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