Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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