hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
