wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Randomize
