dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
