Screwed.edu
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
