just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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