He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
two words: eviction party
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
