thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
