Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
