They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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