I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
where does the pee come out of this thing
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I party with great urgency now.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize