Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize