At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just blew my weed a kiss
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
