So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
