My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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