I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
