just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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