I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
