I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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