You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
