apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
