True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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