WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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