hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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