i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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