the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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