if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
