So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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