You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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