ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
