Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
