I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
