My room smells like vodka and shame
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
