I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
i've created a new STD.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
