thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
