so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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