I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
