you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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