My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
