I like my sex mixed with concussions.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
