And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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