Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
