honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
