Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
