Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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