shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
