Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
No subtext here. People are naked.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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