I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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