I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm always down for nudity.
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