Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
