I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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