areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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