We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
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I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
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That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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