Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Houston, we have a blender
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
