about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
