Who wears a wallet chain?!
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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