she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
my liver is dry heaving
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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