He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
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