Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
