This girl is more easily done than said...
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
